Let's face it, not every date will have fireworks flying and conversation flowing. Sometimes they may plain well suck. Most of the below par dates you can last through until they are over and there is that awkward goodbye, knowing damn well you won't be hearing from him, nor he from you, but at least you got a free meal out of the deal. The dates that produce the most weird ones are the blind or online dates. You don't really know what to expect and you have to really plan for anything
But there ARE those few dates that go horribly wrong and I mean... TERRIBLE, and an escape route will definitely be coming in handy. Here are a few examples.
The Creeper:
I'm sure he has EVERY intention of wooing the pants off of you. He even picked up a flower for you. But he just is a tiny bit.. oh what's the word... ANTI-SOCIAL! His 1st mistake was that as you walked in he bowed to you. And you might be thinking... is he Asian?? Well that might be acceptable if he was, but no, it was more of a ... "after you mah lady" type of bow. I don't care who you are.. that is creepy. But he took you to a really nice place, maybe the bow can be over looked. Then he starts talking.. and talking ... and a little more talking about his video games... and movies and books.. and it becomes very evident that this nice young man does not leave his house much and you realize that you need to get out!
Now with the creeper, breaking it off in the middle of the date can be deadly. This will provoke a lot of questions, "is it something I did? I was just about to ask you if you wanted to meet my mom!" In these cases it is best to eat your food, let him pay the bill, and tell him you had a great night and will talk to him later. Just make sure if you have his number in your phone, don't delete it. You will need to know when he is calling so as to not answer his creepy calls.
Handsy MaGee:
This is the guy that will make you SO very thankful that you told you friends where you were going and who you are with. There is a good chance that this guy will only ask you out on a date where you are meeting for drinks. Yes he has an ulterior motive. Don't be fooled. This one will use the excuse that the one light beer that he bought for you means that you are now open to his advances. With in minutes of meeting you he will be trying to break the touch barrier. It may be something as small as a hand on your back or shoulder or something as OVER the line as a hand on the leg. Either way, if you are just meeting someone for the 1st time, touching with in the 1st few minutes can be a little daunting. With these guys you will need to be forceful. A mild, "oh I forgot, I need to get up early in the morning so I better go" will lead him to ask if he can join you. Really, anything short of, "sorry, but this is just not going to work out" will be leading this guy on. So be straightforward with this gropey groperson and get the heck out of there.
Mr. Invisible:
This one is the reason that you must bring money with you on a date. This is where the guy is a no show, and you are left there waiting on him. You wait about 10... MAYBE 15 minutes and then you go ahead and order your meal. You have just been taken out on a date by the most awesome person there is, yourself. Be glad that the guy didn't show up. He was probably an axe murderer who was with another date/ victim. Now you can enjoy your night out with yourself!
Bob the Bigot:
If you are in the same boat and are against anyone who is not like you.. then this guy is for you. But if you respect people and think they are equal and this Bob is putting down everyone down who is not like him, over the line slander after over the line slander, trust me on this one, don't even laugh politely at his jokes, get out. It will only get worse as time goes on.
I would say to have your friend call you and pretend to be the police saying that there was a break in at your house and everything was stolen and there is a dead body in there and you have to leave right away.. but this is played out. I have actually had a date call me on a phone call when it came in that was from my aunt telling me "Emergency! Emergency!! This is your emergency call to get out of your date!" He told me "you know this one time, I had a date that got a call and told me that she had to go because her brother was in a car wreck, but I later found out that she had a friend call her so she could leave... who was on the phone" Shit.. So I suffered through the rest of that date. Don't use the call rescue method!
Most dates will be ok.. if nothing else it's a free meal. But for those that you can't handle. Use any of the above methods to get out of their quick!
Happy dating!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Red Flags in New Relationships!
Red flags are critical to look out for in a new relationship. These are those little things that you might say ... "ooooh he is just having a bad day.. or that attitude won't last" He's not and it will. Here are a few of the big ones that I have learned from personal experience.
- If he doesn't want you to come over to his apartment: This is a HUGE red flag. There is a reason that he is not inviting you over. It could be something as innocent as he is just really messy or as serious as.. he is married. Either way, if someone is into you they will ask you to come over at some point in the early stages of the relationship.
- If you never meet his friends: This goes hand in hand with not going to his place. He is hiding something. Either a wife and kid from you or you from them.
- If he's too busy: Note, a guy, if he is into you, he will never be too busy. One day or 2 days maybe. but if he is still making excuses after 3, this is a huge red flag. The only reason a guy would go so long not wanting to see you would be because he is a CEO of a VERY important company and is working on a huge merger.. and even then... he will make time to see you.
- Talks bad about his mom: Everyone can get annoyed with their mom from time to time. But if he does nothing but talks about how mean she is, how fat she is, how he wouldn't even invite her to his wedding... Red flag!
- No pictures on his wall: This is a subtle one, but it screams fear of attachment. It says he can't commit to one thing, always changing his mind. I mean, come on! Not even one picture? One of mom? yourself?? your dead cat Fluffy??
- If everything is too perfect: then there is something wrong. No body is perfect, no two personalities will mesh with everything. Arguing means growing. You learn what the other person likes, what steps on their toes, when NOT to bring up the fact that there was a really hot guy who bought you a beer the other night. You need to learn the in's and out's of a relationship and arguing here and there is a healthy way of doing it. Plus the making up is so much fun too!
- If he insists that you check in but the reverse does not apply: "You are going out tonight? with who? Thanks for asking if I wanted to come along, I really wish you would tell me what you are doing before hand" and then on the flip side "Oh tonight... I think I might just hang out with some friends, talk to you later". He has to know your every move, but knowing his... well you should just know better. He is a grown man, he shouldn't have to check in with you, but you try and do something without him? fuggedaboutit. RED FLAG. You should be free to do whatever you want whenever you want. And no amount of MASSIVE OVERLOAD text messages should stop you. If he is constantly calling/ texting you to see where you are and who you are with and then flips out when a response doesn't come in his time frame, he is a very insecure person who needs that validation. You don't.
- If he criticizes your wardrobe: Getting advice from your loved one is great, wanting to know that you like what we are wearing is always a plus and sometimes we need that push of encouragement. But when you get comments such as "I really don't like my women dressing like whores" or "you just don't have any style", OH you HAVE a style, it is just not his... RUN!
- If he criticizes your friends: Granted you may not like all of his friends, if he lets you meet them, so it is fair to say that he may not like all of your friends. But it is a major red flag when, after meeting them, he tells you to your face "I can't stand your best friend, she is a total bitch" NOT acceptable. It falls in the old saying, "I can say whatever I want to say about my friends, but if you put them down.. I will knife your kidneys". Unless he is ok with you putting his friends down left and right and refusing to hang out with them and then insisting he shouldn't hang out with them either, then he shouldn't voice such strong opinions. Your friends are part of your life, you love them. If he can't get along with them then there is a good chance you will be butting heads later when he won't let you hang out with your friends and then all you are left with him. The Beatles didn't write a song about needing a little help from your friends for nothing.
- They refuse labels: There is nothing wrong with making an informed decision about someone, making sure that they are good enough to be called your girlfriend/boyfriend. But sooner or later you are going to need to shit or get off the pot... so to speak. "Dating for a few weeks.. even a month, is perfectly acceptable, but when you reach that 2 month mark something needs to be done. Either that relationships is moving forward or it is getting the plug pulled on it. Someone not willing to commit to a relationship has too many issues that they need to work through before they take that step. If they are having a hard time committing to a person that they are showing a strong liking for, how can you expect them to commit to larger things like... what to eat for dinner??
Monday, February 14, 2011
1st Date: Dos and Don'ts
Going on a 1st date can always be a little nerve racking. Your mind is plagued with tons of ideas that will make you want to turn around and run right back home in bed, like, "What if he thinks I am ugly? What if I think he is ugly? What if I have nothing to say? What if he is totally boring? When the dates over is he going to go in for a kiss or hug? Did I brush my teeth? Is my deoderant working? How do I get out of this if he is a total creeper?!?"
Well just breathe! And remember... 1st dates are a lot like approaching a wild animal... there is a good chance that they are just as scared of you as you are of them.
Just keep in mind, that the other person has already said yes to you, so all you need to do is have a good time, relax... not TOO much, but if you show that you are relaxed then the other person will relax and you can bypass the awkward questions like "Soooo... nice weather today.. huh?" No one likes those, and no one really cares if YOU think it is nice weather, it's just the next best alternative to sitting in silence with this person that you dont know.
When choosing where to have this date, people will say "Don't go for food, just stick to coffee or drinks, you have an easy out!" But I tell you, go for the meal. (and this part is aimed mainly towards the ladies) If nothing else.. you will be getting a free meal! Eating during a date also gives you something to do other than stare off into the distance and wonder why this guy is REALLY talking about comic books on a date.
Outfits! What to wear what to wear? 1st off, guys, don't go sloppy. Please no wife beaters or shirts with stains on them. I know the whole "I don't care" attitude can be cool... but out of respect... dress up some for the girls you are trying to impress and have them take you seriously. Girls same for you, you want to look cute but not TOO cute. Basically, they aren't going to want to buy the farm if they can get the milk for free. DO choose an outfit that will inhance your favorite body part.. whether that be a tight pair of jeans, non hooker skirt, mild low cut top.. whatevs. We are all visual people, we want to see someone who is viually stimulating in all the good ways.
Arriving: On 1st dates it is usually a good idea to meet the date in a public setting, especially if this is the 1st time you are going to be meeting this person. Think about it, if it doesn't work out and you realize quickly that this person is a total creeper, do you REALLY want them to know where you live?? My point exactly.
Conversation, now this one can get a little tricky. Ladies, not to put down guys on this one, but there is a good chance they aren't going to retain that much information that you tell them about yourself. They are going to walk away saying either "that chick is cool" or "next". There are little things that you can pop into your conversation that will get the guys attention, keep him interested. It's the same concept as showing a baby a mirror image of themselves. Throw out names of generic things that most guys like. For example, when talking about movies try to throw out something like Shawshank Redemption, Field of Dreams.. instead of The Notebook or Grease. If this date flourishes into a relationship or even just to a second date, the guy won't remember what was said that 1st date, only that he had something in common with you. Major note: 1st dates are no place for talking about super deep stuff! ever! No mentioning past relationships, no religion, and definately.. and repeat definately no talking about your jail record! Do you WANT to scare your date off?? Just leave it causal.. breezy.. and laid back please.
Escape routes. There is a good chance that you won't ever have to use it, but be prepared just in case, especially you ladies. They can be as small as writing down who you are meeting and where at what time to having your aunt call you screaming into the phone "EMERGENCY EMERGENCY!! ESCAPE NOW!" (make sure the volume is down on your phone should you choose that one, trust me). I always opt for the, "tell someone where you are going and with who". That way they know where you are and about how long it should take and if you are any longer.. they will be concerned.
Paying, this really should not have to be said, the guy should pay for the 1st date, at the very least. EVEN if he has to pay in coupons(true story). To ensure that this happens you can do one of 2 things, excuse yourself to poweder your nose before the check comes or be busy when it does arrive. If the check sits there and it becomes obvious that he is expecting this ticket to go Dutch.. pull out your money and pay for your half and get out of there fast.
Did I miss anything? Anything you wished I would talk about? Drop me a message and I will see what I can do!
Happy Valentines Day and happy dating!
Well just breathe! And remember... 1st dates are a lot like approaching a wild animal... there is a good chance that they are just as scared of you as you are of them.
Just keep in mind, that the other person has already said yes to you, so all you need to do is have a good time, relax... not TOO much, but if you show that you are relaxed then the other person will relax and you can bypass the awkward questions like "Soooo... nice weather today.. huh?" No one likes those, and no one really cares if YOU think it is nice weather, it's just the next best alternative to sitting in silence with this person that you dont know.
When choosing where to have this date, people will say "Don't go for food, just stick to coffee or drinks, you have an easy out!" But I tell you, go for the meal. (and this part is aimed mainly towards the ladies) If nothing else.. you will be getting a free meal! Eating during a date also gives you something to do other than stare off into the distance and wonder why this guy is REALLY talking about comic books on a date.
Outfits! What to wear what to wear? 1st off, guys, don't go sloppy. Please no wife beaters or shirts with stains on them. I know the whole "I don't care" attitude can be cool... but out of respect... dress up some for the girls you are trying to impress and have them take you seriously. Girls same for you, you want to look cute but not TOO cute. Basically, they aren't going to want to buy the farm if they can get the milk for free. DO choose an outfit that will inhance your favorite body part.. whether that be a tight pair of jeans, non hooker skirt, mild low cut top.. whatevs. We are all visual people, we want to see someone who is viually stimulating in all the good ways.
Arriving: On 1st dates it is usually a good idea to meet the date in a public setting, especially if this is the 1st time you are going to be meeting this person. Think about it, if it doesn't work out and you realize quickly that this person is a total creeper, do you REALLY want them to know where you live?? My point exactly.
Conversation, now this one can get a little tricky. Ladies, not to put down guys on this one, but there is a good chance they aren't going to retain that much information that you tell them about yourself. They are going to walk away saying either "that chick is cool" or "next". There are little things that you can pop into your conversation that will get the guys attention, keep him interested. It's the same concept as showing a baby a mirror image of themselves. Throw out names of generic things that most guys like. For example, when talking about movies try to throw out something like Shawshank Redemption, Field of Dreams.. instead of The Notebook or Grease. If this date flourishes into a relationship or even just to a second date, the guy won't remember what was said that 1st date, only that he had something in common with you. Major note: 1st dates are no place for talking about super deep stuff! ever! No mentioning past relationships, no religion, and definately.. and repeat definately no talking about your jail record! Do you WANT to scare your date off?? Just leave it causal.. breezy.. and laid back please.
Escape routes. There is a good chance that you won't ever have to use it, but be prepared just in case, especially you ladies. They can be as small as writing down who you are meeting and where at what time to having your aunt call you screaming into the phone "EMERGENCY EMERGENCY!! ESCAPE NOW!" (make sure the volume is down on your phone should you choose that one, trust me). I always opt for the, "tell someone where you are going and with who". That way they know where you are and about how long it should take and if you are any longer.. they will be concerned.
Paying, this really should not have to be said, the guy should pay for the 1st date, at the very least. EVEN if he has to pay in coupons(true story). To ensure that this happens you can do one of 2 things, excuse yourself to poweder your nose before the check comes or be busy when it does arrive. If the check sits there and it becomes obvious that he is expecting this ticket to go Dutch.. pull out your money and pay for your half and get out of there fast.
Did I miss anything? Anything you wished I would talk about? Drop me a message and I will see what I can do!
Happy Valentines Day and happy dating!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
How to: Jumping into the big scary world of internet dating Part 1
First off, internet dating is not nearly as scary as you would think. There are a a BUNCH of different sites out there, the ones you pay for, the ones that are free that ANYONE can get on, and then there are the ones that appeal to your different lifestyles such as religion, ethnicity's, if you want to be a gold digger or a military spouse. Your first task is to find the one that works best for you.
I looked into the paying sites before, some of the familiar ones like Match.com. There was even one that I had to go OUT of my house and into a building, sit down and talk to a person about why I was single and the different options I had out there. I left there not feeling THAT great about myself, there had to be another way. The paying sites can get a little pricey and don't always guarantee great results. True, you can meet people on there, but the paying sites will have just as many creepers on it as the free sites will.
So whichever site you choose there are little tips that you need to know when choosing to message/ respond to that lucky someone. (You might also use these tips in making your own profile)
Pictures:
The 1st thing I look for in some one's profile is their pictures, call this superficial if you want. But seriously... how many times have you checked a guy/girl out because they had a hot sense of humor or a really jiggly bubbly intelligence? Exactly
I initially look over the pictures to see if there is that initial cuteness that I am attracted to. Then I look for, the red flag pictures that are a deal breaker, what I call the SOBBED pictures, because you will have done this WHEN the relationship ends, IF it even begins.
Self
Opposite Sex
Blurry
Baby
Exhibitionist
Distance
Self, do not and mean DO NOT talk to the person who has nothing but pictures that they took of themselves on there. One or two is ok, but not all of them. This says that the person doesn't have any friends to take pictures of them, or they never go out and therefor pictures never get taken. They are the ones that sit at home, alone, day in and day out. Anti-social and most likely will become clingy and with in a month will be leaving a toothbrush, change of clothes, movies, hair gel, and will be trying to spout out the L word.... for an example.
Opposite sex. While it is more than ok for that soon to be special someone to have friends of the opposite sex, it is NOT ok for them to have those friends in their profile, especially if it is devastatingly obvious that the girl is from a past relationship. This screams that they are newly single and have not gone out with their friends since the break up.
Blurry. Well this really should speak for itself. If the person you are checking out has a lot of blurry pictures, this means that they are ashamed of how they look, or are trying to deceive you by making you think that the image you see when you squint your eyes and tilt your head to the right is the person that you will be talking to. Guess what? You are wrong! He is actually 3 inches shorter, 20 lbs heavier, and has ears that you will swear could make him take flight.
Baby. While there is nothing at all wrong with having a baby or talking to someone who has a bundle of joy.. shamelessly using a picture of said baby is the same as a guy buying a dog SOLELY to pick up chicks. They may be great a parent and great with kids but that is something that needs to come out in words, not in the exploitation of your child.
Exhibitionist. These are the people who post pictures of themselves without a shirt on... or have their shirt pulled up enough to where you can see their killer abs and maybe a hint at their happy trail. These are the profiles that are straight up telling you that they are looking for one thing and one thing only, sex. Now if this is what you are looking for.. message away, just know what you are getting into. They will be VERY forward, suggest hooking up, going out for drinks, or that they just want someone to cuddle with for the night (note: cuddle does NOT mean cuddle!)
Distance. This one kind of goes hand in hand with the Blurry one. If the person of interest has pictures of himself from a distance, so far that you can barely make out a face, there is a good chance that they are trying to hide or mask a feature that they are not proud of (INSECURITY CITY!) This also applies to pictures which only show large groups, this way they can be anyone in the group. The broad shouldered/ long luscious legged one on the right or the one covered in moles on the left... good luck to you if you choose to take that chance!
This should be enough to get you started in the online world, more to come later!
Happy dating!
I looked into the paying sites before, some of the familiar ones like Match.com. There was even one that I had to go OUT of my house and into a building, sit down and talk to a person about why I was single and the different options I had out there. I left there not feeling THAT great about myself, there had to be another way. The paying sites can get a little pricey and don't always guarantee great results. True, you can meet people on there, but the paying sites will have just as many creepers on it as the free sites will.
So whichever site you choose there are little tips that you need to know when choosing to message/ respond to that lucky someone. (You might also use these tips in making your own profile)
Pictures:
The 1st thing I look for in some one's profile is their pictures, call this superficial if you want. But seriously... how many times have you checked a guy/girl out because they had a hot sense of humor or a really jiggly bubbly intelligence? Exactly
I initially look over the pictures to see if there is that initial cuteness that I am attracted to. Then I look for, the red flag pictures that are a deal breaker, what I call the SOBBED pictures, because you will have done this WHEN the relationship ends, IF it even begins.
Self
Opposite Sex
Blurry
Baby
Exhibitionist
Distance
Self, do not and mean DO NOT talk to the person who has nothing but pictures that they took of themselves on there. One or two is ok, but not all of them. This says that the person doesn't have any friends to take pictures of them, or they never go out and therefor pictures never get taken. They are the ones that sit at home, alone, day in and day out. Anti-social and most likely will become clingy and with in a month will be leaving a toothbrush, change of clothes, movies, hair gel, and will be trying to spout out the L word.... for an example.
Opposite sex. While it is more than ok for that soon to be special someone to have friends of the opposite sex, it is NOT ok for them to have those friends in their profile, especially if it is devastatingly obvious that the girl is from a past relationship. This screams that they are newly single and have not gone out with their friends since the break up.
Blurry. Well this really should speak for itself. If the person you are checking out has a lot of blurry pictures, this means that they are ashamed of how they look, or are trying to deceive you by making you think that the image you see when you squint your eyes and tilt your head to the right is the person that you will be talking to. Guess what? You are wrong! He is actually 3 inches shorter, 20 lbs heavier, and has ears that you will swear could make him take flight.
Baby. While there is nothing at all wrong with having a baby or talking to someone who has a bundle of joy.. shamelessly using a picture of said baby is the same as a guy buying a dog SOLELY to pick up chicks. They may be great a parent and great with kids but that is something that needs to come out in words, not in the exploitation of your child.
Exhibitionist. These are the people who post pictures of themselves without a shirt on... or have their shirt pulled up enough to where you can see their killer abs and maybe a hint at their happy trail. These are the profiles that are straight up telling you that they are looking for one thing and one thing only, sex. Now if this is what you are looking for.. message away, just know what you are getting into. They will be VERY forward, suggest hooking up, going out for drinks, or that they just want someone to cuddle with for the night (note: cuddle does NOT mean cuddle!)
Distance. This one kind of goes hand in hand with the Blurry one. If the person of interest has pictures of himself from a distance, so far that you can barely make out a face, there is a good chance that they are trying to hide or mask a feature that they are not proud of (INSECURITY CITY!) This also applies to pictures which only show large groups, this way they can be anyone in the group. The broad shouldered/ long luscious legged one on the right or the one covered in moles on the left... good luck to you if you choose to take that chance!
This should be enough to get you started in the online world, more to come later!
Happy dating!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Introductions
First off, I would not say that I am a successful dater, but an experienced one. I have tried A LOT of options to find that someone.
There was the bar scene, church scene, on-line scene, mutual friends scene, and my parents favorite, giving my number to cute waiters or sales reps that they happen to stumble across who THEY thought were cute and single.
The purpose of this blog is to share my wisdom with those in the dating field. The in's and out's of dating, how to hook them, how to lose them, and how to see through their bull shit.
I am available to answer questions, either about your concerns or about my own dating history.
Stay tuned and bring it on!
There was the bar scene, church scene, on-line scene, mutual friends scene, and my parents favorite, giving my number to cute waiters or sales reps that they happen to stumble across who THEY thought were cute and single.
The purpose of this blog is to share my wisdom with those in the dating field. The in's and out's of dating, how to hook them, how to lose them, and how to see through their bull shit.
I am available to answer questions, either about your concerns or about my own dating history.
Stay tuned and bring it on!
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