This has got to be the most common topic that I have heard guys complain about since I entered the dating scene; "I don't get it?? why does she like him? He treats her like shit!", "I would never dream of treating her that way, yet she wants nothing to do with me! Why?" Girls always go for the douchebags, from now on I am going to be a dick to them and THEN they will like me". I have fought this and defended girls a lot, saying that it is because the bad guys have confidence.. they take the chances.. say the lines that morally good guys don't.. they have been in the game long enough and they know the things to say and do that can manipulate girls' feelings. This all may be true, but I heard something on the radio last week that made me think about things in a slightly different light.
The host had a caller who was hurt because the girl that he was with, he treated her like a princess, would bend over backwards to make her happy, and yet she kept pulling away and was trying to run and was clueless as to why. The host told him the following, that the way they girl was acting is a sign of a girl that has been in abusive relationships in the past, either emotionally or physically. That girls who have been hurt in relationships, be it in their youth or in dating sometimes get in a slump where they start thinking that kind of relationship is the norm for them. In order to get out of that mindset it takes a lot of digging deep in their feelings and seeing why they feel that way and to finally see that they deserve more than to be emotionally spit on. Some women get out of that mindset and overcome it while others don't know how to. And for girls who are continuously in relationships with those "douchebags", start to get used to it so much, so that whenever a "nice guy" comes along and tries to sweep her off feet and wine and dine her and treat her like a princess she is literally out of her comfort zone and it makes her skin crawl in fact. And the more nice the guy tries to be the more scared she is and more she pulls away. She knows that she wants that good guy to be her prince charming, but she is just not used to it.
I don't have any great advice to the men out there who are good guys, you know who you are, except be patient with us. There is a good chance that we will get over the curse of the douchebaggery and when we do you will be winning the heart of an amazing woman. And as the saying goes... the nice guy WILL finish last.
And ladies... for you, as awkward as it may feel, and out of place for a guy to treat you like a princess.. try not to think that he has ulterior motives. Don't be afraid to lose your feet in a relationship, this one might be the one that's worth it... if not.. there are TONS more fish in the sea!
Happy dating!
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ReplyDeleteI personally believe girls who perpetuate these bad relationships with repeat after repeat of a `douschey` boyfriend are doing so because of low self esteem.
ReplyDeleteWe are in the relationships we WANT to be in and feel we deserve. I think women run away from the nice guys not because they don`t like nice guys but because they think that they don`t deserve it.
Girls often go down the low self esteem pathway of thinking rather then the self loving pathway of thinking. For example: obviously this guy has a motive and he wants something, obviously he is faking it and trying to pull one over on me.
Rather than `oh you think just because you took me on a date and opened doors for me and actually complimented me all night long makes you note worthy to see me again? Of course you complimented me all night, I was lookin` GOOD! being a gentlemen is what you SHOULD be doing it`s nothing special. Now show me how you are better then all the rest. Show me my worth, my real worth and treat me that way. And if you don`t know my worth you need to take the time and investment to find out cause trust me it will be worth it if you do.`
I think most girls step on the first route and don`t even think to step on the latter. And why do girls think this way? because most girls are operating on the mindset that a guy can`t seriously be feeling that way or `he doesn`t really like ME that much`. Something HAS to be wrong if he is too nice and its safer to run in fear. All which ultimately mean `I don`t think someone can love me like that` = I don`t think so highly of myself because obviously I don`t deserve it.
If a girl honestly felt she deserved it she would expect nothing less from men but the best treatment and promptly say bye to any guy who didn`t give it to her. So I repeat...women CHOOSE the romantic relationships they are in because that is what they think they deserve. And if they are not used to being loved and put on a pedestal (as the blogger states) this also shows that the girl doesn`t actualy expect to be treated that way because if she expected it knowing she deserved it she would only surround herself with those kinds of relationships and get herself well `ACCUSTOMED` to it.